Drowning 090609

it's four a.m. again
father, forgive me this sin
uncomfortable in this life
I can't put down this knife
I'm carving words in my arms baby
scars are part of my charm maybe
I need the touch of a hand
this isn't what i had planned
I need relief from this life
I wanna slip away into the night
don't wanna see the sun again
but can't get swallowed up by this tragic whirlwind
I wish the ocean was warm
I feel like drowning
I'm losing my faith in me
I can't remember the last time i felt free
from voices inside my head
when I taste liberation, they just feed me fear instead
you say I'm out of control
at least i still have a soul
no I don't need your advice
some compassion would be nice
I can't take any more of your pills
they hold my head up but still it feels so wrong
I can't believe the price that I've paid
for this chemically-induced,
perceivably ideal,
take-it-with-a-glass-of-water day
I wish the ocean was warm
I feel like drowning.



-Jay Brannan