Bored vs Tired 080703

It's July, my birth month, the first month of the second half of the year. How fast the year goes. And yet my life has been the same.

Another day, another waste of time. I woke up fully charged, half-bothered by a morbid dream. I snoozed and realized that I actually had to go to the gym today. Gym time is my favorite time of the day. I love the feeling of sweating and lifting shit that make the veins in my head almost burst. I'm often surprised on how much I can lift in the gym when in the house, I can hardly pick up my own plate after a meal. Plus, there are lots of mirrors there. Hahaha! Narcissism at it's best. I don't go to the gym because I want to grow muscles or burn fat. The gym is like my happy-place, where I don't have to think about any shit I have to deal with in my life. I feel like I'm always doing something when I'm exercising. I mean, how can you think of your melodramas when you're lifting 90 pounds of barbell weight up and down your chest? It's not a distraction, it's my therapy, my escape, my excuse to be (or at least pretend to be) strong.

Following my session is a routine of activities ranging from breakfast, to showers, to my “What am I going to wear today?” self arguments that lasts forever, and the long commute to work.

Don't even get me started about work. I do love it! But sometimes I think it's the same damn thing every single day. But I always tell myself that I have no right to complain. I have come to accept the fact that I AM actually lucky to be doing what I am doing. I love my office, (some of) my officemates and my job itself.

Even my break times have also become a routine. During my break, I take a quick meal, head downstairs and have that token cigarette stick to relieve that apparent corporate stress.

As I puffed away my second cigarette for the day ( I'm desperately trying to quit), I caught a glimpse of a very typical view of the city - cars passing by, a cab driver checking his engine with the hood door flung, old Chinese ladies clutching their LV's, workers fixing the side of the road, yuppies chatting through their break. It was a moment that I actually appreciated, seeing people go about their busy and effervescent lives. They must be so lucky!

I got to thinking, am I really that bored? Do I even have the right to be bored? If I were in the shoes of the other people in this city, would I still be bored? Am I even bored or am I tired? Am I tired of my daily routine? Tired of working? Are both these feelings the same? Or could I be feeling both?

After the last puff, these questions still stuck in my mind. And as I finger-flicked away my cigarette (a move I proudly do well) I secretly wished my questions flew away with it.

As I rode up the elevator, with my claustrophobia and the delayed nicotine-high kicking in, I realized, darn, my life sucks.

Going back to being bored or tired, which one of these analogous sentiments am I really in? Kinda hard to digest eh. I think to best identify the state that I'm in, I have to properly define both. According to Merriam Webster, theses are their definitions:

BOREDOM - the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest.
TIRED – having one's patience, interest or pleasure exhausted.

Let's see, I can say I am weary and restless, oh yeah, definitely restless. I have patience (or at least I think I have), I have very limited interests, and as for pleasure, uhmm...

It's just so hard to distinguish because they pretty much seem the same. But I refuse to be both, I know I am at least one of these and I will not rest until I figure this one out. I mean, I aced our company's Attendance Policy Exam whose choices were beyond normal comprehension, how much more these two mofo's.

OK, let me try to define both myself, Merriam and Webster or Merriam-Webster (God only knows if these are two blokes or one! Are they? Enough with these unnecessary seg-ways, focus man, FOCUS!) can take a (their? FOCUS!) rest first.

I think bored is when you have nothing to do and you long for one. Not literally nothing, what I mean is there is nothing in your current situation that excites you or keeps you interested. It's like being in a diner wherein you've ordered all that is in their menu that you pretty much know how everything tastes but you have no other choice because the next diner is about a thousand miles away. You get what I mean right? To keep it simple, it's like being stuck.

Tired however is a totally different thing. It ain't stuck at all. It's like having everything altogether or at the very least having more choices and then eating them all up to the point of vomiting in your mouth. I guess tired is actually doing something but doing it a little too much.




I have come to realize, bored is what I am, tired is what I want, but at the same time, dread to be.

Well that was easy!

I am bored, because I feel stuck, and I am restless. I do have interests but they are my interests because they are my only possible interests available. I want more. I don't want my choices to be a thousand miles away, and if it is, I wanna go there now. I want to feel exhausted, I want to be tired and say that I did it all. I want more choices, choices that will keep me un-bored and make me tired.

Bored is what I am, tired is what I want and dread to be.

I wonder what those LV clutching Chinese women are?