the lies we tell ourselves 080612

I have to admit, I was taught to lie at a very early age. Emphasis on the word taught! When I was very young, say about 8 or 10, my mother had a bit of a gambling problem. She had it long before, and my father despised it. Whenever my father took off for work, give about 20 minutes, so would my mom, to her mahjong session. I remember my mother clearly telling me that if my dad called the house, I should say she was in the market. Lying 101. And Mother-Of-The-Year award.

I am not one who completely disagrees with the very act of lying. I mean come on, everyone in this world has lied deliberately more than a couple of times in their life. It's like the only mortal sin that isn't even sinful anymore because it has become the status quo. The degree of your lie depends on the severity of the truth that was omitted and the aftermath of telling such a lie.

Lying to others is not that much of an issue anymore. Lying comes naturally to me. It's like breathing. Hahaha! You lying son-of-a-bitch! But seriously, there are times in a man's life when lying is the only thing that can save him from an hour of hanging out with an irritating friend, a day of unnecessarily groveling, a week's worth of laundry, a month of starvation or a life of endless persecution. Truth advocates, you might as well shoot me now.

My Audrey-Hepburn-looking workmate asks me “What if your lies hurt people?” Well, as long as they did not lie to me, I don't give a shit!

I am really not writing about the lies we tell others, as I said, it has become the status quo, ergo, it's not cool anymore. I wanna focus more on the lies we tell ourselves, or properly put, the lies I tell myself.

I guess I'm not the only one who's guilty here. I bet, you have lied to yourself, is lying to yourself and will lie to yourself. Don't worry, you are so not alone. Everyone does. Except no one really talks about it.

I lie to myself. It keeps me sane. It puts my life in perspective. It drives me.

There are moments in every corporate slave's life that will push him or her to the brink of insanity. Whether it be impossible deadlines, air-headed co-workers, ridiculous taxes, psycho bosses and perverted janitors. But these are the very moments and things that trigger my self-lying, self-denying chromosomes to take action. On days like these, I always tell myself that “I love what I'm doing!” “I work in a great company.” “People would kill to have my job!”

Lie. Lie. Lie.

But hey, because I do, I'm still here, still fine, and am still sane.

But the lies I tell myself go deeper beyond my job. I have a lot of personal issues that I know is too hard for me to handle. Take for example my loneliness, my masochism, my pathetic desire to be desired. Living with these issues can be very tough. Tough bordering on suicidal. But I know better. Plus, I know I can always lie.. to myself.

Lying has become my ever-dependent, beckon call, best friend.

I am not depressed.
I am fine.
I DO NOT need anyone.
I am better than everyone else.
I am lucky to be single.
I am happy.

L-I-E-S.

But if it's any consolation, I know lying to myself is not entirely a negative thing. It is through lying to myself I begin to see myself in a different light. It is through lying to myself I recognize the truth.


It is through knowing my lies, that I finally strive and try hard,

to turn them into my truths.


Thanks mom!