memories of surfing (Photos 080228)

My being on a medical house-arrest got me reminiscing on my love for the waves...



1) Ocean 101 beach front 2) the other side of the island 3) plunging on rock pools 4) ocean rolls 5) paddling out 6) wiped-out

to measles (Letters 080227)

Measles,

O-my-gawd!

You have come in THE most inopportune time. I don't have enough sick leave credits to use up anymore. Now I have to go on unpaid sick leave for two weeks, boohoo, they're goes my Ninoy's. And the MATA, the MATA, the MATA... I was planning to go on a trip next weekend too. Well I guess that's canceled. Sob.

But I guess this is in fact a blessing, and no, I'm not mad at you or whatever. At least now I finally have the time to not bury my time with work. Now I actually have enough time to get the rest that I (very long) need.

I just hope you won't make me look as horrible as the others you have visited (please no). I promise I'll take you very seriously and make sure not to piss you off or anything.

My workmates literally shunned me away from the office today. The clinic secretary was a bitch. My best friend won't even come to see me (although I understand). You know what they say, no matter how bad things get, they could always get worse!

So here's to an exciting two weeks to both us. This is gonna be one for the books.

at work (Photos 080223)

Brazilian slippers in a Japanese restaurant


A constant reminder


CPU teddy


Corporate Jack


Jack!

to myself (Letters 080221)

Hey you.

Enough with the worrying! I know you can handle whatever situation you are in. Think of this as a challenge. No matter what happens, whether you lose your job or not, take it as a lesson learned. If you haven't noticed, you have become such a strong and mature person. Be proud! Don't mope. Don't dwell on the negative things right now. Don't be jealous of people who are happy, trust me, they have shit to deal with also. Live for the moment, don't rush. I know it may seem lonely being single, but remember, there's a reason, there's always a reason. You WILL be happy! You got yourself for now, and that's the best thing you have!

You are a good person.

Stories 080218

Alex chases Jake down the steps in the building.

It was cold out.

Look, just tell me the truth Alex. Why did you bring me to this party? Did you really invite me because you WANT me to be your date, or because you wanted to make your ex-boyfriend jealous?

Silence.

Jake, I...

No. Don't! You don't have to.

But...

It's ok. Because it doesn't really matter anymore Alex. I like you, I really really like you. I knew before coming here tonight that you probably don't feel like I do. But it's ok. Because honestly Alex, whatever reason you have, why you brought me here tonight, it's fine. All that matters is that I AM with you, tonight.

Alex gives a half-smile and attempts to say something.

Jake interrupts.

Sssh, you don't owe me anything. Let's go back in there. Do what you have to do, you know that I always make sure any project of mine gets DONE, no matter what. Let's finish your mission, cos I'd be more than happy to be your artillery.

Jake touches Alex' face.

Thank you Jake.

They both smile at each other.

Let's go! Your ex won't know what hit 'em.

Jake grabs Alex' hands and they walk back into the ballroom. His grip was firm, reassuring. His hands felt warm and comforting.

In those few steps back, Alex finally realized, she had feelings for Jake too...

at work (Photos 080216)

My fingers' playground


Post-Valentine lunch (A heart-shaped pizza? Seriously?)

to Alanis (Letters 080215)

Hi!

How have you been? There hasn't been enough news about you that's going around. Of course, I know how you like to keep your profile of the DL. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you a couple of things.

I've been pretty down for the past few days. I think I am about 4.5 inches to rock bottom. And you know that when I get like this, your music always seems to put my head into (the correct) perspective. Work, family and myself have been stressing me so much. I literally do not want to get my ass out of bed because I just want to hibernate. When I do get out and head to work, my mind wanders off to such dark places and I am seriously out of touch from where I am. When I get to work and mingle with people I feel like I'm shrinking. You know how when you're driving away from someone and you look at the rear view mirror and see them grow smaller and smaller as you put your weight on the accelerator? That's what I'm feeling. It's like I'm (mentally) disappearing and vanishing. Sick huh?

So I finally got myself to put on your old records. This isn't really a "relationship" kinda depression so I figured I'd let Jagged Little Pill take a vacation and decided to put on Supposed Former. When "That I would be good" played, I felt like you were right there, personally consoling me. I really felt it this time. I know this song is about a relationship but I took it as a relationship-with-myself kinda way. It felt so good to hear the song and remind myself that even if I may not be the best person in the world, I am still worth it. I am still good even if I am fuming. I am still good even when I'm overwhelmed. I am good. I am good enough.

I do feel a bit better now that your song cleared me out.

I am still down, but at least now I know that now matter how shitty my life and my situation can be, I would be good, fine, great, grand and loved...

Thanks you.

to Apple, Sherry, Vilo and Dredz (Letters 080213)

Hi!

First off I wanna apologize for my absence for the past few days. I just felt like going to work was going to be unhealthy for me. Don't worry, I'm not blaming anyone of you for making me sick or whatever, it's just the environment in the office does not really jibe with my emotional quotient right now.

I also want to make clear that I am on sick leave not because I physically sick but because I am dealing with a few emotional and psychological issues. I have sought professional help and I'm gonna be better. Also, I did NOT try to kill myself, well not really, maybe the intention was there, but it was just an emotional-alcoholic impulsive outburst. God knows I love myself too much to kill myself (and I know you guys know this too).

Anyways, I just think that the events that have happened in the office for the past few weeks have really taken its toll on me. That's probably why I don't feel well. Merls' departure has left my "Holiday Bonus" responsibility in limbo, not knowing where to get the money from and how to liquidate it has caused immense stress. C11A's verbal abuse and uncalled-for attitude towards me was a big blow. The incident report I had to do (much to my dismay) has left me a bit guilty, although I know it was the right thing to do, but it sure wasn't easy. And with Mark resigned, made it even worse, it's hard to lose someone you've grown accustomed to in the office, not mention he was a good friend.

What I'm saying is that all these things have really affected me and I feel like I have taken a lot of beating professionally and emotionally. I thought I could handle it all but I guess I am still immature to do so. I guess it's like that in the corporate world, I just learned it the hard way (although indirectly). It's just that I have invested emotionally on these people and these tasks and seeing them leave just like that has been tough. I admire the four of you for being strong about all this. God forbid anyone of you leave, imagine what I would DO if you guys did!

So with a heavy heart, I would like to inform you that I will be tendering my resignation. Not! Hahaha. I'm just kidding Apple. I will be reporting to work tomorrow, hopefully with a better perspective and more vigor (to earn money). No need to reshuffle any responsibilities, I love what I'm doing and I'd be damned if it will be given to someone else. I won't pursue my intention to transfer to DIET as well. Though the position does have a good compensation, the amount is nothing compared to the feeling of being around and working with you four. So I'll see you then. Don't worry, I haven't changed. Although I might be a bit MORE bratty and bitchy!

Thanks.